And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
