I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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