She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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