Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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