i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
