Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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