True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
is that a dick in a sweater?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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