i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
