i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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