I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
