What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
