a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
