It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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