The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
