I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
