One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
