Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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