OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
