Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
