The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
