last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
