I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
