The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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