do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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