She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
