dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
