if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
