I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
