RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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