he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
