my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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