I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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