There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
