You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All the doctor said was why
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
