you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
