Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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