I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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