you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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