i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
