did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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