why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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