I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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