I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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