She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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