i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
