Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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