I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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