i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm both gender and math confused
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