Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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