awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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