I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
