don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
