If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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