and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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