Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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