If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
