would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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