:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I did not marry a roomba.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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