At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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