I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
