does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
