I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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