ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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