Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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