I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize