I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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