I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
