you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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