Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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