I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
