If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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