I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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